The Scarlet Letter
Volume II, Number 3 | Feburary 1995
Part IV: December 14–29, 1924
The Magical Record of The Scarlet Woman
By Leah Hirsig, Alostrael 31-666-31

Leah HirsigMss Diaries of Disciple Leah Hirsig, Catalog #DD1
Alostrael's Visions copied from diaries of The Beast 666 and
Alostrael 31-666-31
beginning Luna Monday, October 29, 1923 e.v. (Luna in Aries, An. xix)
Nefta, Tunesie, Cefalu, Sicily


5:14 PM I take this (sip of white wine) to Nuit.
I take this (I dr Auh. Lau. in white wine) to Hadit.
I take this (cut my wrist with razor) to Ra-Hoor-Khuit.

5:27 PM While finishing typing above telegram from 666 arrived. "Strongly advise against American. Letter follows explaining."

5:45 PM I see quite clearly that all I have been doing for the last few months was to "hate," not to "love." I mistook this for "the work of wickedness" —O.P.V. set me right on this, though, I more or less suspected that wickedness was akin to witchery—be-witching. Didn't I call myself "Hag" and Witch and all the rest of them. Perspective is absolutely necessary. Copies of this for 666.

7:13 PM Take first meal I have really eaten for a week. 1 cigarette with coffee because I looked human. Now, no more.

10:10 Pentagram completed (after nice hot wash),

11:40 But its all no use—my mind keeps whirling round & round.

12:50 M.sbtd. Magical (partner)

2:05 Been reading over Visions and also state of my life I started on Hoble's suggestions

Midnight K Dec 15—E Dec 16
To bed after the dance.

Dec 16 E
7:06 AM-7:16 My back gave way several times and my breathing bad due to cold. Said "Thou who art I" not all the time the red coat popped in.

6:25 PM Wrote to 666, O.P.V. and Ninette, but I can't get going on the House business at all. Tried to write to Marion but can't do that either. I thought my walk and meal at the little restaurant would clear my mind. It has, but not for this particular job.


Dec 18 F 5 PM
It's all no use—I seem to be getting worse and yet I have no conviction that I'm really on the mend. Am I deluding myself?
E evening —Cinema
Wed AM —Msbdt. —calling madly on Chaos.
Occasional bouts of Asana
Wed evening —Cafe
Today St Germain in the fog and hundreds of indecisions. Wrote letter to Marion —Its good & it isn't —I want, I want, I want.
And I'm going to keep on wanting. This AM—Asana—15 minutes—"Thou who art I" & Pan Mantra going like mad.

5:08 I light the candle, I burn the incense

5:20-5:35 Asana—Thou who art I & Pan (This after Pentagram, creed, and collects). Great peace, but thought of having cut up blue robe bothered me.

7:45 PM Typed hipta Poems—I must concentrate off the House business for a bit. But nerves, nerves! And its all Magical—but what to do, I don't know. I await 666's word but will I get it and if I do, will I understand? I will sit calmly and smoke a cigarette and drink my coffee.

10:50 I did it —I danced alone in my cafe —I danced with a lesbian and I kissed the waiter —that's that! We'll see how it turns out. But I'm out to get hard cash & I'll get for my Big Lion Baby Snake —There are no ifs —I'll bloody well get it.

12:00 —To Bed —Typed 2 oaths and had some soup. Now we'll Invoke, invoke! and then to sleep

Dec 19 C
10:15 PM
Got letters from 666, O.P.V., & V.I. & Alma, also from furrier. Typed a bit of note to Suzanne —blast her. I had to wait all eternally long time and then she wanted to be paid!


The dress is—just not right. No work in me —Pentagram -9 PM.
Poking about ever since. Cup of tea and too many cigarettes.
Now to bed & Pan Mantra!

11:10—I did "Pan" it—it was great! And then I found myself between just ordinary thoughts, paying all sorts of things, ending with I am. I weep. I wail, I know (Thought about Hause possibly being on his way, etc.)

Dec 20 G
Alter last entry last night I suddenly got up and had a hot wash. I said, "I am going to meet my Lord Chaos whose bride I am." I ate a small bit of bread and invoked Chaos —my head burnt as tho I were being branded by hot irons. I tried to repeat my 8=3 oath, but got no further than "a member of the body of God" —Then I simply said I devote myself to the accomplishment of the G.W. and to establish the Law of Thelema.

It was midnight when I slept and I never woke till 10 this morning. Dreams—dreams—Astrid & Beast worried—Beast very obscure—going somewhere but didn't seem to know. I so uncertain, quite beyond myself. Two other men in the party.

My general impression is that I am not ready to take the Oath properly yet. Am I trying to get out of it? I don't know.

Got my coat and saw Suzanne—Heaven only knows what this will lead to—but I did it. Anyway, the cook's a beauty and the bed will be too.

Dec 21 A
12:42 AM After last entry—marketed—lost a franc on a bunch of carrots (no! didn't go where the carrots were, more's the pity!) Then a good fried—dress rehersal and out in the blue dress to red home from 9:30 to 11:20


Nothing doin' & get! think I am doing something. What? Then Pentagram and Pan Mantra—used Z's wand instead of Sword. Cup of tea—bed.

3:40 AM Not a wink of sleep in me—not a bit of work in me—What the hell shall I do—Just bad breathing & tummy ache, but I can't be hungry. Perhaps I am—I've been day dreaming about America and sensational landing. Those things never come off.

I could bet most anything (except my new coat) that there is something devilish going on somewhere among the Brethren tonight. It may simply be A entering R. if this is the time, if so, he's entering on a gallop. What news tomorrow? Very excitement is that of operation, not of fear—But all sorts of precautions arise.

12:30 PM A Slept from 6 to 10—wake heavy, hot, dazed, and generally miserable. Up at 11:30—out for coffee and milk.

Things to do
1. See fur woman for collar.
2. See S. About (?)
3. Fleischman
4. Noble re books
5. Mrs. Ficke?

1 PM—Pentagram Asana and Mantra(?) Thou who art I

1:03-1:05 Asana—back gives way—I find myself all bent up—3 times I straightened myself out—also—mind wanders to all the things I've to do and didn't do—exp. the Stewart Waiter failures. But as soon as get over these something else pops up. It is really much easier to bean Episenpalise and get it all out in a ready-made prayer.

Started to get ready to go to Ella B. & Dome, but couldn't do it. Blvd clicking—2 grog Americans & home. Ate 3 huge Mortadel sandwiches.


Dec 21 A
7:12 PM
Though I've been complaining about too many unfulfilled oaths,! add another to the list:

"I hereby take an Oath to refrain from smoking for a period of 7x9 days." (This brings us to Feb 22).

Dec 22 K
6:10 PM
After last entry—went to bed and msbtd. for Magical Partner. Ten minutes later—tap, tap, tap, the Waiter to ask me to come up and dance. But I was all in so didn't go tho I had qualms about it.

Then sleep till 9 AM—Went for milk and Dubonet and my friend called me—Mme. treated me to a Dubonet. (Typewriter man came! new ribbon). Later to tele.—I met the old antique and his wife—They didn't ask me to sit down

1. Fleishman—wrong no.
2. Noble—not home.
Called in (1) not home—left note. Had scrap re: Italian men about dates—Freudian forgetfulness—Before going for milk, from time! woke until 11 on and off Msbtd Msbtd Msbtd like mad calling on Chaos

E 1:10AM Well, I'm getting on or off—I don't know which? Went to my original cafe—entered dancing and had 3 drinks and desert for nothing.

Then to Mere Catharine—danced like hell—no drinks except 1 coffee. One police officer there! Told me that bronze wand was too heavy—Date with him at 10 tomorrow evening. Wonder?

1:31 AM Finish Call to invoke Chaos.


Dec 24 B
5:52 PM
I must have been drugged last night. Sent petit blue to Kitty K and to N.H.—neither has shown up. I cry like a hound every so often—tho I did have about 1 hour's peaceful rest. Every time I think of the House business! nearly go out of my mind and howl and howl. I've got to pull myself together. I can, for a short time.

Dec 25 F
1:19 AM
Just returned after trip with Kitty and Kennedy—They came at about 10:30—B My dear old Noble came in at 6: bucked me up wonderfully and left me 10 fr. What a man he is! I love him.

11:15 PM A peaceful day—just happy and calm and quiet.

Dec 26 C Still shaky—Msbtd again this AM?? Mnstrn- 2nd day. Calm but not?

8:45 PM 3 dr Aoh. Lew. in 1/4 glass wine—after dinner and walk (cigaretts not got) To worship Hadit.

Dec 27
G 2:20 AM
Msbtd—Union with Chaos—my whole idea seems to deplete my body absolutely so that I may lose my thoughts—But I am all wrong. I am starved, but I shall start to love tomorrow. There will be no more masturbation—Perhaps there will be insanity or death, but there'll be something, if I have to create it myself.

2:40-2:48 Preliminary Invocation. Peaceful but not sleepy. Breathing difficult.

3:55-3:58 (3 minutes) Prana
10-10  2 min
10-15-5  1 min

Dec 27
G 24 e.v.
These three days are mine, G, A, K. I have 50 francs—I have food in the house—I have charcoal and wood—I have plenty of work to do—It rains.


What happens at the end of this 3 day period doesn't matter. Nothing matters—now or ever. I drink the red wine with 4 dr. of AL. in it, and read the Stele poetry from Cap. III

To Dome at 9—after smoking 4 cigarettes and destroying—I am a ... Another at Dome. Kennedy backing out of painting me. A grog and sandwich and oh how Willy loves me Souisse!! Abortions! Death! Came home chilled—2 grogs and I'm as warm as toast.

Dec 28 A
11:35 AM
Preliminary Invocation

Dec 29 K
12:34 AM
Danced till noon.

12:25 AM This is the 3rd day. Wrote letters re Hause—Drank—danced and now I'm ready for anything. Worries began again—but not badly. To Dome at 12:45—Met one Moissey Kogan—Artist, Russian.

We went to Mlle. Selfers, studio (20 rue Boissonade)—she weaves, then to his hotel, then to 2 exhibitions and finally I came home. He's coming tomorrow—We'll see.

3:55 left ... and 1/2 glass cognac.

* * * * *

[This concludes our serialization of The Diaries of Leah Hirsig. As we can see from the diary entries, it was not just one big super-magical retreat at the Abbey as one might conclude from reading Moonchild; or from Crowley 's own accounts in his autohagiography. I hope this helps shed some insight and a different perspective on a very shaded portion of A.C.'s and Leah's life at the Abbey of Thelema at Cefalu, Italy.—ED.]

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